Military Humour: Military vs Civilian Friends

I got this from a mate, a rather authentic (Infantry) mate. So … without further ado and without editing: enjoy! 😀

MILITARY FRIENDS VS CIVILIAN FRIENDS

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk
Military FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you don’t get caught

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
Military FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
Military FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn…we fucked up…but hey, that shit was fun as fuck!”

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you.
Military FRIENDS: laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your pussy.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
Military FRIENDS: Keep your stuff until they PCS.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
Military FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that’s what the crowd is doing.
Military FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
Military FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
Military FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don’t waste.. That’s alcohol abuse!!!”

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say “I can’t handle Tequila anymore”.
Military FRIENDS: Will say “okay just one more” 2 minutes later “okay just one more”.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
Military FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you “They’d take a bullet for you.”
Military FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

Military Eye Candy British Squaddies in Afghanistan

 

Military Eye Candy: Nude British Soldiers – Manginas

Remember my posts on the British Tankie bums (incidentally, my fav was the third from the left) and the US Ranger fronts? Now I am going a step further: British Manginas! With Gasmasks! And otherwise pretty much nothing! Ahem.

Displayed is the doctored photo but the link will take you to the manginaed Full Monty. I honestly don’t know if this is Eye Candy though …

Full Monty Soldier Manginas

Military Eye Candy: Nude British Soldiers

Well, well, well. I promised (threatened?) last week when I showed off the nekked US Rangers, didn’t I? So, without further ado, here they are – the British equivalent, but this time a load of butts. They really could also go into Friday Military Humour, couldn’t they? And I repeat it again: what on earth is it with soldiers getting their kit off at every possible turn? (not that I complain, mind you, but I have quite a few of nekked candid shots on my HD)

Go on, tell me, which one is your favourite “bun”? I have a clear favourite and I shall tell you which one it is next week.

The thing is, Mr M sent me an even more amusing photo this week of nekked Squaddies – but I’m not sure if I should show off the Full Monty “manginas” with gas masks and nothing else. Ho-hum. 😉

Writing: Atmosphere and Local Slang (with poll)

I’ve been thinking about this question for a while. After all, I am in Britain (Scotland), am a British writer who writes British stories in British (mainly) settings with British soldiers. As anyone knows who’s read my stories, I very firmly believe in writing dialogue how it would  be spoken as in: yes, soldiers swear – a lot – and they use country, area, and work specific slang. Of course, that might very well mean that readers who are not from Britain, and/or not familiar with specific terminology, won’t easily understand. I made the decision, as a writer, to take that risk, to stay true to my characters and to keep the authenticity.

But what is your opinion? Do you, as a reader, want my squaddies to natter about egg banjos, eat scran and get some shut-eye in a maggot bag they’d been carrying in a bergan? Or do you want my British Army soldiers to talk about sandwiches with fried eggs, eat food, and get some sleep in a hooded sleeping bag they’d been carrying in a large, reinforced issue backpack?

What’s your opinion, and why?

Military Eye Candy: Royal Marines

Well, I might have posted one or two of those before, but I don’t think I’d tire of them. Have a selection of Royal Marine Commandos.

First two photos copyright © Defence Image Database. Without permission.

Third photo copyright © with its copyright owner. Without permission.

Military Eye Candy: Marquesate’s Blueprints

I’ve probably posted these before, but even if I did, they are worth posting again! Here are some of the chaps who have and are inspiring characters in my stories. Of course, the usual disclaimer applies: any similarities to living or deceased … blahblah.

Blueprint for Phil in Friendly Fire (available in autumn from Cleis Press)

The one in the front with the dark hair and far too handsome face. Blueprint for Chris in Basic Training (available soon-ish)

Blueprint for Rhys in Honour and Fidelity (WIP)

All images copyright © MoD, Defence Image Database. Without permission.

Para Mortar Platoon Team: Firing

This is not only an absolutely excellent series of images, for obvious reasons, because it is fascinating to follow the sequence, but because we are privy to a rather delectable tight butt, and bent over. Yes, I know, I am making light of a serious job, but hello …? I’ve never met a squaddie who didn’t take the piss as if he got paid for it. So there. You lot bend over, I use it to write gay porn. Live with it. In return I donate to charities for your well-being with my royalties, aye? Fair cop.

A Paratrooper mortar platoon team fires 81mm shells at Taliban positions in support of a patrol from X Company, 2nd Battalion the Parachute Regiment at FOB Zeebrugge near Kajaki, Afghanistan. It was of vital importance that security was maintained around the area of the power station, so that engineers could continue to provide electricity to the local population of Southern Afghanistan. The operation to provide a second hydro-electric turbine to Kajaki Dam and thus bring power to over 2 million people, was the biggest reconstruction project to take place in Afghanistan up to that time.

Photos and text © Defence Image Database. Without Permission.

Defence Image Database – Marquesate’s favourite UK Forces photos

Royal Marine (close to the edge of pretty)

Queens Royal Lancers (hot. Nuff said)

Pretty Marine (yes, a bloke shouldn’t be called pretty, but the lad in the front is pretty. Too young to be anything else yet.)

Photos copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

Review of Her Majesty’s Men by Val from Obsidian Bookshelf

Her Majesty’s Men at Obsidian Bookshelf

Val wrote a wonderful review on her website Obsidian Bookshelf. Writing good reviews is an art form all in itself and Val certainly has it sussed, her reviews are truly entertaining pieces to read. Go check out the website for a host of reviews.

I was absolutely delighted to see her review of Her Majesty’s Men, and thrilled to bits.

Here is a short excerpt from the review:

Her Majesty’s Men has so many good points that it deserves a wide readership among us fans of m/m fiction. First, you get what feels like an insider view of the British military. I love military stories. We fans of m/m fiction can get starved for something different from what we usually get: the quiet emotional landscapes of civilian domesticity.

Second, you get uncompromisingly realistic emotional interaction between these two men: they’re not just going to fall into bed together in the first scene. They need to earn their relationship with one another. The story never takes a shortcut around the believable obstacles to their relationship inherent in their background and career.

Third, you get some tremendously hot sex scenes.

The excerpt is copyright © Val Kovalin at Obsidianbookshelf.com 2009

Read the whole review at Val’s website!

Royal Engineers Museum and Library

I have been a member of the The Friends of the Royal Engineers Museum (FoREM) for many years – and for reasons that probably not many people would become a friend of a Museum to support it.

First and foremost, it is a brilliant museum, it really is. I have been to many UK military museums, and the quality of the displays at RE Museum in Chatham/Gillingham (on the grounds of the RSME) is only matched by the Tank museum in Bovington. Granted, so I got to get into a Challenger II main battle tank in Bovington and have a play, which might mean I am rather positively inclined towards that place (the Challie was obviously not in the museum, it was a work horse, so to speak) and actually, that shows how good the RE museum really is. It has very good displays, fascinating heavy machinery (sexy stuff!) and very friendly, knowledgeable and helpful staff. I have never been in there without getting the extra tour treatment.

So, if you are anywhere near Kent, do visit the museum and think of Tom and Alex, because this is the building where Tom gives Alex …

Royal Engineers Museum Website

Royal Engineers Museum on Facebook (with some great photos of the museum building)

Defence Image Database – Marquesate’s favourite UK Forces photos

This one is the inspiration for a new character of a short story I am just about finishing. A different country and military – the French Foreign Legion and not a Royal Marine Commando – but nevermind.

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

Mmm, nice tattoos, guys!

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

Smile!

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

If you have enjoyed all these wonderful photos, you might wish to consider to say “thank you” to all those British Forces photographers in a roundabout way: by making a donation to Marquesate’s favourite UK charity: the Royal British Legion. I know that I do, regularly. 🙂

Defence Image Database – Marquesate’s favourite UK Forces photos

We are back to the Marquesate’s choice of UK military eye candy. 🙂 By the way, if anyone feels like providing me with other military eye candy, such as US, or any European or Antipodean one, I’d be more than happy to, ahem, review it.

I love this pic, the guy has the most amazing eyes!

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

I like the composition of this one, very inspiring, gives me some good ideas, and that’s what it is all about, isn’t it?

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

And next up, another night skyline shot. very atmospheric – well, okay, for folks who are interested in tanks and armoured vehicles as much as I am, I guess.

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

If you have enjoyed all these wonderful photos, you might wish to consider to say “thank you” to all those British Forces photographers in a roundabout way: by making a donation to Marquesate’s favourite UK charity: the Royal British Legion. I know that I do, regularly. 🙂

Defence Image Database – Marquesate’s favourite UK Forces photos

All of the photos below are © Crown Copyright MOD and from the Defence Image Database, which is a brilliant resource for all things British Forces in pictures. The images are reposted on this blog for review purposes. As I mentioned before, they cannot be used in any commercial project (not even in Education) without a licensing fee, and I realise that I have no permission to repost them here, but alas, I do believe it would be such a shame if they were not viewed by a wider audience.

Let us start with one of my absolute favourite pictures: the RAF Twins.

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

And, being an author in Scotland, the next one lets my patriotic heart beat faster:

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

And let us finish today’s collection of part I with a night silhouette:

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.

If you have enjoyed all these wonderful photos, you might wish to consider to say “thank you” to all those British Forces photographers in a roundabout way: by making a donation to Marquesate’s favourite UK charity: the Royal British Legion. I know that I do, regularly. 🙂

Squaddie language – how (British) soldiers talk

Now this is a difficult post to write without swearing a lot. 😀

Why? You guessed it, there is a lot of swearing going on in the everyday language of the British soldier. How I know that? Let me just squint around myself and I know why. Yes, that’s why, I hear it every day!

Perhaps one might wonder why I found this worthy of a post, but have you ever read a piece of fiction where the author portrayed soldiers and in their speech they never ever swore? No? Oh, I have, and it was eternally grating and completely off character.

Any colourful swear word you can think of will be embedded in every work-conversation for a squaddie, and the ever versatile f*ck will be found, together with bl**dy in everyday conversation, no matter about what. Down to having to remind said squaddies that bl**dy is actually still considered to be a swear word in Britain, albeit a mild one.

So, if you ever thought about writing a military character, then have them swear! A lot. It’s the effing so and so of an effing so and an effing … you get the gist.

Over and effing out. 😉

Photo copyright © Defence Image Database, without permission.